I was with a couple of my friends during a weekend and like it would happen with every bachelor group, the marriage talk came in between. There is this friend of mine who is a farmer (as in he owns an estate in Tamil Nadu) and also an eligible bachelor. As we where talking about bride-hunt, he said that he prefers a simple girl from a simple family and he wouldn't take any dowry.

"Then you should look for a well educated girl", I said.

"No, I don't want to demand anything, I don't see marriage as a business".

I told him that he was wrong. Why? It was an arranged marriage that we were talking about. Even if he doesn't look at marriage as a business, the proposed girl's family would look at it as a business. Would anyone send-off their daughter with him if he was from a poor family and earnt a nominal salary? Even if he doesn't take any dowry, they would look for better alliances. The women's family, be it poor or rich, always look for good baits.

Recently, I was on a bride-hunt trip and the proposed girl's father 'interviewed' me for quite sometime. I never felt such an exhaustion even after a job interview. He kept asking me so many questions. What would you do if you lose this job? Do you have plans to move outside the country? Would it be possible for you to work from home? Are your parents well? (this must be in reference to "will my daughter have to look after your parents", I believe). I answered many of the questions promptly and with patience but after a little while I began to feel irritated. At one point of time I said, "if I lose my job tomorrow, I will have to simply sit back at home until I get another job. What else can one do?". It was like a military interview or something.

Then happened a funny thing. This fellow asked me and the proposed girl to go outside and talk to each other. Just when we two were going to talk, he came out and asked his daughter, "Don't you have anything to ask? Talk something" and then before she could even speak, he said "Oh, then you don't have anything to speak? Then let us talk for sometime, you may go inside". And he continued the second session of the interview. Heh.

So why should not men have their own demands? There is nothing wrong in demanding an educated and/or employed wife. Education or employment is the new dowry and I believe there is nothing wrong in asking for that as the women's family also asks for the same dowry from men's side for their daughter's safe future. Above it all, it helps build a healthy relationship as both husband and wife contribute to their family's financial stability and they feel equal because of the shared responsibility.

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